Everything has happened, so let’s have a photo dump:
1. Halloween happened and it was awesome.
Moaning Myrtle married Harry Potter? Nah. I asked Robin what her back story was and she said her father murdered her right before she got married. What the fuck, kid.
Her dress is a Cheapos Thrift find for either $5 or $10. I can’t remember now. I believe it’s a size 4, so lots of alterations. I appreciate how the kids seem to be taking turns wanting homemade vs. store bought costumes which makes me very grateful. My wrists are 99% now and I can do things. Without pain, even!
2. Joshua became a Cobra Kai.
Okay, maybe not. His uniform has sleeves, so he can’t be Cobra Kai. Yet. He joined the intermediate black belt training, tested for his second level brown belt (red is next!) and started weapons training.
I’m particularly proud of how dedicated he is. $200 of his own money went to paying for gear (weapons, bag, pads). He is getting $25 a month back from Mom and Dad, but he made the initial investment. He’s more mature and responsible than I am.
3. There was an election of some sort which I deem completely unnecessary for discussion here.
4. Robin started with a new violin teacher. She’s also now in a 1/4 size violin. She also had a birthday and it was all good.
5. Christmas! I honestly don’t have any good pictures of the kids from Christmas because I’m an asshole I guess. But I have the next best thing:
6. We had a blizzard and it was horrifying.
In case I didn’t feel crazy enough, I’ve decided to do ChÜberlist 2017 – The Year of the Slug. It’s already a couple of weeks late so I’m off to a great start.
I’m glad he didn’t spend much money at Dragon Con. He used the remainder of his money to buy some books and video games, but more importantly, he decided that he wanted to advance his Tae Kwon Do training. New classes: longer, more intensive, and more focused than standard after school classes. New uniform. New gear. New price.
I am thankful every day that we can afford to support our kids with what they love, but we’re also not stupid. He’s quite a serious kid, but he’s still a kid. The biggest prerequisite for Mom and Dad paying out more money was that he had to buy his own protective gear.
Two hundred dollars worth.
$200 for protective gear and a bag (which is really nice quality, by the way), $100 for a new uniform, and $25 per month extra for the intermediate class. The new classes are longer so it really is worth it and we can be much more flexible in our schedule.
Oh, and we’ll have to buy weapons, too.
My baby boy. With weapons.
I’m dying here. He’s growing up so fast–too fast. he’s had to be too responsible in the past and I can’t take that back and make it right. I don’t want a mama’s boy…but this is so hard for me. It’s stupid. I’m proud and I don’t want to ever hold him back but deep down, I just don’t want to get left behind. I know he still needs me and he will always need me in some way.
He does love me, you know.
I wish my dad could tell me if I’m doing things right with my son.
Fucking hell. I wanted to brag about my awesome kid and now I’m just sad. How the hell do you learn to parent when you don’t have parents?
I am done with my second carpal tunnel surgery so I can type again; I have more important things to blog about than my weepy abandonment issues.
I am going to preface this post and the entire rest of my life with this statement: I’m in a piss poor mood. That should about cover it. For the past month or so, I have been on this weird, unending carousel ride of annoyance, exhaustion, inappropriate anger, despair, and general motherly weepyness. WeepineSs? Weep penis. Obviously this post is not about me growing up.
Robin is my youngest and turned 6 at the end of September.
MY YOUNGEST CHILD IS 6 YEARS OLD. For her birthday she requested red velvet cream filled cupcakes, breakfast at IHOP and spaghetti dinner with garlic bread. She’s so specific when she wants something. She’s getting really good at Lego building. She’s reading books with NO PICTURES WTF. She loves clothes from the thrift store that should be worn by girls 10+ years older than she is. I alter them for her size and age and she acts as if it’s the best thing ever. When she did her birthday shopping (Grandma money) she wanted a dress and this is what she picked out:
Then, we happened to come across this in a 5T which I was sure she couldn’t fit. BUT she does fit and I couldn’t be happier:
The Shy Little Kitten has always been one of her favorites. Thankfully she is still 6 and she still acts 6 years old for the most part. Stuffed animals. Being really sweet to the point that I am unsure if she is my child. Bursting into tears the second she’s done something wrong. So all is not lost, I suppose. She’s growing up, but she’s still my baby.
The thing that really killed me this year was the bed thing. I wanted this to happen and I didn’t want it to happen. THE BED THING.
She…she got a twin sized bed this year. Such a huge part of me wanted her not to be ready, for her to cling a bit longer to her baby stage. She was actually anxious at one point about getting such a big bed because she wasn’t sure how her stuffed animals would sleep on it. If they’d fall off or if there wasn’t enough room.
One thing she inherited from me is her uncontrollable desire to deface property. One day she drew all over her bedroom wall. When I asked her (screamed at her, probably) why, she said “it was an accident”. THAT IS NOT AN ACCIDENT DON’T GIVE ME THAT OH MY GOD She’s drawn pretty much every where she can: walls, doors, furniture, BOOKS. Obviously, she’s becoming very good at erasing and cleaning up her artwork. She got to keep one piece of graffiti. One guess as to who decided she could keep it:
Needless to say, that reminded me that I was actually for her getting a new bed. After getting to pick out sheets and agreeing to keep her old toddler bed mattress for her stuffed animals (and as a couch, for parties(?)) she was very pleased and even more so when she realized there was a new small throw pillow in with her new bedding set. Apparently she LOVES pillows.
I can’t even remember what the other horrible things were that I was going to talk about. My kids growing up are good and it makes me happy. It’s still horrible, though. I feel like the worst cliche mom right now. Maybe it’s because I feel that painful twang of my own age or mortality or possibly a heart attack. There are no more toddler beds in this house. No one uses a potty seat anymore. No one needs a step stool to wash hands. Josh is improving his Tae Kwon Do and will test (SO SOON?!) in November for his blue belt. Every single kid in his class is older than him by at least 2 years. He trains at home with me and on his own. Robin has learned more songs on the violin and is doing more complicated finger work and double stops so she can play fiddle tunes and beat the devil. Just sitting here thinking about is making me cry because MY BABIES. I am happy, I really am. It’s just that my happiness is surrounded by a thick, chewy layer of self pity. Twin sized bed means that I can crawl into bed with her without the fear of catastrophic structural failure. Advancing in their activities means they are are setting goals and nurturing their loves. *sigh* Just because it’s inevitable doesn’t mean it’s easy.
Scene: Josh is sitting next to me in my king sized bed working on math review. Easy stuff, addition and subtraction, regrouping, etc. Robin is in trouble, standing in front of my dresser in time out because she refused to spell the word “four”. Wendy is laying on a blanket on the floor in front of an overturned storage ottoman, repurposed as a dog house. Jake is snaking his body around my head in an attempt to get me to stop typing. He keeps bothering Josh and trying to stop him from doing his work, so one of us has to sacrifice. Jake has just now moved to nap just close enough to Josh to periodically flick his tail onto his clipboard.
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I’m in a lot of pain. The knee thing has really progressed to the point where I’m in pain all the time. It’s advanced osteoarthritis in my knees and I had an MRI done yesterday to see what’s going on with the soft tissues in there. I’m going to assume some damage because when I walk it doesn’t just hurt in my knees, but up and down through the femur and tibia.
I’m not a rocket surgeon, but I don’t think my bones are supposed to be all jaggedy like that. My actual doctor agreed with me and sent me to the orthopedic surgeon who made a face when he poked around my knee and sent me for an MRI. I have the MRI pictures, too, but it all looks like cross sections of ham.
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After some serious consideration about Wendy, we have decided to keep her. I have been in contact with Dream Dachshund Rescue and while Wendy would be a good candidate for an adoption, there just isn’t anywhere for her to go right now. There was a lot of back and forth on what to do with her, how to take care of her, etc and ultimately, I just feel like I need to redouble my efforts to take care of my dog and keep my house clean. It’s not easy, but I love her and honestly nothing is ever fucking easy. Ever.
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In other news, my son took his green belt test for Tae Kwon Do, turned 7 and we all went to LegoLand. It was a busy weekend. To become a green belt, he has to join the National Taekwondo Federation:
and he had to write an essay with his application:
Holy cow. I never get any good pictures of him testing because I try to stay on the furthest side of the room so I don’t distract him. He is always the tiniest kid in his group though:
He just got moved to a new class, presumably because he just turned 7. Pretty soon he’ll change classes again, I think, to be with the green belts. I’m weepy and proud and excited for him.
In other news, I shouldn’t have a seven year old. I can’t even take care of a plant. He had a great birthday and I was happy to do all the work even though I was totally unprepared and literally had to take a bunch of narcotics to dull the pain in my knees. I stayed up until 2 AM the night before making sure everything was done for his birthday, even running out to Kroger past midnight because I didn’t have enough candles. Who doesn’t have enough candles for her baby boy’s birthday???
Legoland was a total hit and very affordable. We spent hours there, ate lunch, watched movies, rode rides, built stuff, tore stuff up, etc. Perfect. They even have an adult night which is awesome. I love how adults are not allowed in unless accompanied by a child. Because you know there are weirdos out there and that’s the last thing you need to see is a 30 year old man fighting with a year old over the last Lego brick.
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Josh is done with his work for the day and Robin is finally out of time out and working on subtraction next to me in bed. I’m about ready for a nap, but I probably won’t get one. My plans for next few weeks are: