Post-Post Op Post

So after surgery I couldn’t do anything with my right hand which sucks because it’s incredibly dominant.  As in Ol’ Lefty can’t do anything.  Toilet time is the worst.  THE WORST.  Aquarium maintenance is fucking awful but I must say, my back and left arm hurt a LOT so I guess I have that going for me.  The last time my left arm was stronger than my right arm was when I cashiered; right hand grabs the stuff, left hand bags and puts it in the cart.  It’s really weird to use my left hand and I have to stop myself from grabbing things with my right hand out of habit.  So, here’s what I did while I was being pathetic:

BOOKS

They were all so young and the pictures are so haunting.

I read Dead Mountain: The Untold True Story of the Dyatlov Pass Incident.  I’ve loved this story since I was a child and I was always in the paranormal conspiracy camp.  This book gives some real discussion as to what exactly happened and I think the answer makes a lot of sense.  The only part of the book I didn’t like was that it was half story, half introspective writing and the introspective part bored me.  I can say that it really built up to the ending and explored all the angles.  All in all, it’s a real tragedy no matter what you think happened.

Meow. MEOW.

Second book was The Cinder Spires: The Aeronaut’s Windlass by the amazing Jim Butcher.  I’m totally a fangirl but when I started reading it, it wasn’t exactly my cup of tea.  For about two pages and then I read it all in one day.  That’s the real fucking shit right there–I wait for months if not years for a new book to come out and the authors have the gall to write a book that I read non-stop in one day.  Lather, rinse, repeat.  So discourteous.  It’s a steam-punk world and the writing is very visual.  I felt like I could absolutely see everything.  If you’ve read The Codex Alera series and of course The Dresden Files some of the ideas and imagery will be familiar but I’m not giving anything away.  I am not saying that he writes some timeless literature, but I will say he writes damn good fucking stories that I can’t put down and I want to binge read them until my eyeballs fall out.

He’s going to be at Dragon Con this year and the Mr. and the Boy are going AND I AM NOT BECAUSE THE WORLD ISN’T FAIR but hopefully the Mr. will get Jim’s autograph on a piece of sheet music that I have.  Then again, I bet they won’t even get his autograph because the lines will be crazy pants.  Maybe I’ll just write him a fan letter and enclose the sheet music for him to sign.  Because that won’t make me sound crazy.

Fan Girls Gone Wild

Last but not least, I read Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns).  A fun, quick read that was overly relatable in some places but not so much in others.  You have friends?  You have family?  Okay, Miss Perfect!  But seriously, I thought it was an honest little memoir, funny, and interesting without the gut wrenching confessions that you get in a lot of these types of books.  As in, normal girl does well!  Let’s congratulate her on not getting pregnant at 14 and becoming a heroin addict!   I want to be best friends with her but I’m 100% not cool enough.

NETFLIX AND TV AND CHILI DOGS

There was no Netflix and chill, but there was cravings for chili dogs but I couldn’t drive so I had to settle for nothing.  Story of my life.  Binge watched Expedition Unknown because I like Josh Gates and I miss Destination Truth.  This episode in particular scared the shit out of me.

I also binge watched The Dead Files.  I want so, so badly for it to be real.  I know it’s probably not, but I like it.  Steve DiSchiavi gives it credibility in my mind.  I want it to be real.

I do, I really, really do.

I also think that Amy Allen looks like Flo from the Progressive Insurance commercials.  Google “Amy Allen faces” to get a chuckle.

Twinsies.

I did watch some movies too, for as much as I could stay awake for.  Drugs are one helluva drug.  Lots of fun silliness–I couldn’t concentrate for the more serious films (sorry, Jiro Dreams of Sushi).

I have also been playing a lot of Civ IV because I don’t need two hands for that.

And that really sums up my exciting adventures.  Whee.

Post Op

My surgery went better than expected.  I’m not at all reflecting on my Dr’s abilities, but I thought it was going to be a total shit show.

Expectation.

Happily, everything turned out great.  The surgical center staff was UH-mazing.  I mean, seriously.  I’ve been in the hospital too many times and there are so many things they could have screwed up but didn’t.

  • they gave me a gown that covered my ass
  • they had to do an IV on the back of each hand after no water since midnight the night before.  Perfection!
  • everyone was nice and didn’t treat me like an idiot
  • each member of the surgical team introduced him/herself and let me know what their role was going to be

There were some things that I was pretty disappointed in though:

  • I did not wake up with webspinners or laser implants in my wrist.
  • I didn’t get to watch.
  • I bothered with wearing a bra even though I could barely use my hands and I didn’t even need to.

Before we get on with the pictures, I’ll give you a play by play of the surgery.

I had open carpal tunnel release surgery on my right hand.  Everyone and their dog made sure that we were all on the same page so that I didn’t wake up with my left ankle cut in half of wake up with an accidental boob job.

That would have been a damn shame.

The doctor wrote his initials on my wrist because they damn sure aren’t going to screw up.  Left hand got an IV for fluids and right hand got an IV for numbing.  There was also a tourniquet on that arm so that the anesthesia was isolated to my hand/wrist area.

At this point everything was fine except I could feel the knife cutting in my hand.  Not a scratch, but that good, deep cut and subsequent digging cuts through the fat pad.  I said “I can feel that” and they gave me some medicine in my IV and the next thing that happened was the surgical nurse gave me my glasses back and wheeled me into recovery.  NICE!

Let’s be clear, it was no one’s fault that I could feel that and I would like to make it known that I didn’t scream like a maniac or anything.  This is something really important to me for some reason that I can’t place.  I don’t scream when I’m in pain, at least in the hospital.  Not for babies, not for manual removal of blood clots from my uterus, not for knives in my hand.  To be fair, I know I didn’t feel the entirety of the scalpel blade.  And drugs are the best.  Going from “I can feel that” to be to all done and no pain.  I went out to eat at IHOP afterwards and then home to sleep (surgery was early in the morning) and do drugs and watch TV.

Now, pictures!  Click on the black pictures to see the actual disgusting carnage if you want to, I don’t want to upset your delicate sensibilities.

My sweet, sweet nurse.

He was trying to make me feel better and didn’t leave my side for the first 24 hours.  Isn’t Jake wonderful!

July 7, one week after surgery.

Let it be known that I’m a shitty patient–I was not to remove the bandage at all.  I also couldn’t remove that piece of gauze because it was stuck to my stitches and would so I left it alone.  For a minute.

July 13, 2 weeks after surgery

Before I had my stitches out.  Getting them out wasn’t bad at all, surprisingly.  At this point I could shake the Dr’s hand so he was happy about that.  My follow up is in August which at that point I should be able to schedule Ol’ Lefty.

July 13, right after stitches out

Those Steri-Strips are really stuck on there good.  I should not have taken them off immediately.  It fucking hurt.  A lot.  I’m dumb.  You can also see the yellowing bruises from my wrist brace.  That hurt worse than the cut itself.

July 17

Just wishing that the ink would go away.

“RIGHT NOW”- Sammy Hagar

No more black boxes!

I’m happy with the result 1 million percent.  I started to notice immediately that my hand was tingling a lot–the result of nerves coming back to life.  I don’t know yet if I have any permanent nerve damage; only time will tell on that one.  My thumb so far is still quite numb, and less and less towards my little finger.  I also notice now that when I wake  up in the morning, there is no pain.  NO PAIN.  I know, right!  I also notice that my left hand is quite painful in the morning and basically all day.  Since both hands hurt so much, I never gave it much thought–it had become the norm for me.  Now it’s like a whole new world!

You know you know all the words.

I still can’t lift for shit, driving hurts my hand, I can’t mouse, I can’t open things.  I could give you a whole laundry list of whiny, bitch-ass complaining, but overall, I can do things again (slowly) with my right hand (just a little bit).  10/10 will do it again.