health, home, life, miscellaneous

Photo Dump: Shit Post

Jeez, what a fucking couple of weeks.  Here’s a run down, not necessarily related to the pictures.

I didn't have plans anyway.
I didn’t have plans anyway.

1. I am still recovering from my last carpal tunnel surgery; it was so much more painful than the first one.  The first (right hand) healed really quickly but even after a month the skin on my left hand is red and super sensitive.  It’s not raw or anything, but it hurts to the touch.  It’s truly just the surface and scarring area; the surgery part is fine and I no longer have pain.  Both hands can’t support serious weight on the palms, so holding pots and pans can be really painful.  Thankfully, I’m taking a 37 year break from push-ups so I’m sure I’ll be fine soon.

That fucking face! I am dying.
That fucking face! I am dying.

2. I have a fair amount of skin coloring and have always had various freckles.  I categorize them as freckles, not moles as they are small, flat and symmetrical.  Fact: when I was a kid, my family used to tell me that freckles were fly poop :( Anyway, I discovered an odd marking on the back of my right leg, right below my calf muscle.  I went to the dermatologist and they did a shave biopsy. It bled forever and it hurts like hell.  As far as I know, there is no abnormality (cancer), but that dermatologist is the kind that doesn’t contact you unless there’s something wrong.  I don’t know if it’s because I’m a wimp or if it’s just because the skin is being constantly pulled if I’m walking or what.  Hurrrrrts.

I really should call because leave it to my lovely luck that I’ve been dead for a week and the doctor just forgot about me.

*chews sadly*
*chews sadly*

3.  I finally went to an ENT (ear, nose, and throat doctor) to check out my ridiculous nose bleeds.  At the particular office I went to, I had to see the Physicians Assistant who then proceeded to do all the nose things that aliens do.  She also proceeded to cauterize two blood vessels in my nose.   You can watch the procedure here (but don’t because it is as bad as you might think); I had cauterization with silver nitrate.  She noted that she couldn’t see any spots that appeared to have bled recently so she literally cauterized the two places she thought might be suspicious.  The PA neglected to tell me that it was going to hurt like fucking hell and I should have just been happy with bleeding to death.

The general consensus is that it feels like you’ve had your nose broken and while I’ve never had my nose broken, it did feel like I was dying.  I honestly thought I was going to have to go to the hospital because I didn’t think this was normal.

 

I'm 40% nose bleeds.
I’m 40% nose bleeds.

4. My nose ran non-stop.  Not like, sniffles, but shit was streaming out of my face.  I know I’m painting a delightful picture here.  I was not expecting that since again, it was not mentioned.  What the PA did let me know is to call the office immediately if I had a nosebleed so that I could come in and have them re-cauterize any bleeding areas.  If I waited then they wouldn’t be able to tell where I bled (like that day, for instance). Two days after the cauterization my nose started bleeding again.  As per her instruction, I called the office to try to come in on a Friday around noon.

“There are no providers in the office today; you will have to wait until Monday.”  The receptionist sounded like I offended her and her whole family by trying to explain that this is what the PA told me to do.  Ugh, fuck all this shit.  I’ll just bleed to death.

 

I hope to achieve this line of thinking some day.
I hope to achieve this line of thinking some day.

5. My windows are still not done.  The windows that are paid for and installed two months ago are still wrong and need to be replaced.  I could write a whole post about this aggravation and I’m tempted because I want the whole world to know how fucking stupid this has been.  But I really want to wait until the whole ordeal is over to see how events unfold.

Then I’ll bitch about it.

entertainment, life

Photo Dump: Decrepit Old Lady Edition

I haven’t been posting and now I feel totally shitty.  Coincidence?  I THINK NOT.  I have the cruds today and I’m not getting out of bed.

KILL IT WITH FIRE!

1.) This is an old picture, but it was my attempt a month ago or so to make a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle pancake.  I got the mutant part down.  I need a better squeeze bottle if I’m going to do this again and not traumatize my children.

My sweatshirt is orange.  Click to embiggen!

2.)  I have been having too much fun with NPC Comic.  It amuses me much!

I done got my hair did.

3.) As per my ChÜberlist: 2014 I was going to donate my hair but upon closer inspection, I actually didn’t have long hair, but a very elaborate network of straw, grass, tumbleweed, and a tiny nest of baby birds.  In other words, previous hair dyeing and general neglect made me decide that my hair wasn’t donation-worthy.  So I’m now 10 inches lighter and all the unhealthy garbage is gone.  Maybe next time.  *big fail sigh*

So…this is my life now.
Or more appropriately, Wendy’s sad life.

4.) I’m going to be selfish for a minute and say I never wanted a dog with so many fucking problems.  So many expensive fucking problems.  Fingers crossed that this is only a bladder infection and her constant leaking all over the couch/ottoman/chair is done with.  $45 vet check and medication, $30 dog diapers WTF, $230 to clean and sanitize the furniture.  Laundry every day.  And let’s remember that we still need a $200 blood test in a few weeks.  Let me be clear:  I love my dog.  She’s loyal and loving and funny and sweet.  She just has so many problems right now.  And frankly, I can’t take another pet death.  I’m fucking traumatized and it’s just too painful.

Bite my terrified metal ass.

5.) I’m going to the doctor next week.  I get cruds that don’t go away, I have a knee that won’t work and then there’s everything else that’s wrong with me.  I hate going to doctors and dentists because I’ve had some terrible ones.  Terribly unprofessional ones.  But seeing as I’m rapidly aging and I spend more money on the dog going to the vet than I do on my own health, I should go. It would be great if I had some anti-anxiety meds left, but for that I need to go to a fucking doctor. Bad catch-22.  And I don’t like setting a bad example for my kids.  And I probably want to live and all that.  

 

entertainment

Photo Dump: Thrifty Lit

1.  Not so thrifty:

Fact: not my highest fine from the library.

I also received an email today stating “Our records show at least $50.00 in fines on your account.” and then “Total Due: $24.20”

To be fair, the library is for readin’, not rithmeticin’

2. I drink tea when I read:

0g trans fat? BUT THOSE ARE THE BEST KIND!

I usually get my tea from fatty meats so I have no idea how this tea is trans fat free.  Who knew??

3. Confession:  I never watched Reading Rainbow.  I’M SORRY.

1981, baby.

25 cents each, perfect condition.  It’s missing one of the full Reading Rainbow set.  If I could find Could Be Worse that matched this set that would be fantastic! (No, it’s not on ebay)

4. SO MUCH ‘MURICA:

BEST

Okay, the truth is I am quite patriotic.  You can love your country and still be at odds with those in the position of power.  These are FANTASTIC.  I’m really excited!

5. Punny!

This joke will be lost on the 6 year old.

Seriously, Grapes of Wrath isn’t on the syllabus until 2nd grade.  Pre-multiplication is right on target.  We also got The Hershey’s Kisses Addition Book because chocolate..

6. Reading just for fun is the best:

Strawberry Shortcake, Berenstain Bears, JOKES
science!
The teeth! The mustache!

35 books total at 25 cents a pop.  Not bad!  The best part is that the kids love reading and get ridiculously excited for books.  It’s not outrageous to say we’ve bought hundreds of books from this thrift store both for kids and for adults. I’m glad to pass down my love of books to my kids.

And pizza.  Also my love of pizza.  NOMNOMNOM

 

life, miscellaneous

I am and am not

I am not in a rut. Not yet! *fingers crossed*

I am doing all kinds of crazy bullshit things, like teaching the kids.  This is Thanksgiving week though, so two hours a day is about the maximum I can stand.  What with all the knitting and WoWing and cooking going on.

This just made me feel happy. Po Ta Toes.

Believe it or not, I am going to do a ChÜberlist: 2014.

Not sure what I was expecting here.

I’d say more, but it’s 10:45 AM, so I think I’ll take a nap.  Also, I haven’t uploaded any pictures in forever.  More updates soon!

Love this one.

 

 

life, miscellaneous

Photo Dump: Gifs, yo

Between real life and fake life, I have been exceedingly scatter brained.  My bright orange debit card has committed suicide in the chaos of my bedroom.  Nightmares and night terrors have missed me, so they’ve come to call for a bit.

So, without further ado:

The caption is funny, but that is actually disgusting. Good life decisions right there.
Everything is comin’ up Milhouse! And I mean, *everything*.

 

This is actually what I spend most of my time doing while I’m escaping from the real world.

 

They made a gif out my little girl! D’awwww
Because, why the fuck not?

The gifs work, just give them a minute.  My favorite has to be that dancing otter in the upper right hand corner.  In other news, I should get cracking on spring time projects like yard work or car washing or spring cleaning.  Didn’t I have some sort of to do list at one point in my life?  It’s the end of May.  And as I think of all the things I’m not doing, I keep seeing that stupid cat gif shaking his head at me.  Nice.

entertainment

Photo Dump: For Giggles

Fact: I can burn pasta because I’m easily distracted.

Here are some things to laugh and giggle at because I need to laugh just a little bit more:

You, too can be this happy. All you need is a hamburger.
“Math” vs. “Maths” Sorry Singaporeans, I call it math.
I don’t care if you’re sick of him. I love that cat.
Teach your children at a young age!
I don’t know if this is just Asian families or all immigrant families or all families everywhere. But it’s true.
I am decrepit.
Next project.
I thought this was a pan of brownies. PRO TIP: Brownies do not have corn plants growing out of them. Lesson learned.

Last, but never least, my imaginary boyfriend Crendor.  <3  (I think I’m the Non-Stop Swearer)

life

Photo Dump: Wiener Edition

It all started on a very chilly morning some time last week.  I took Wendy out for a walk and was suddenly overcome with the realization that I have totally been neglecting the opportunity for infinite wiener jokes.

I have had this dog for MONTHS now and have yet to make wiener jokes a regular thing.  It’s like I don’t even know myself anymore.

  • Sometimes when I’m bored I just lay in bed and gently stroke my wiener.
  • My wiener is kind of thick but no one seems to mind.
  • When my wiener is excited it’s hard to wrestle even with both hands.
Sometimes my wiener will just pop out of the blanket unexpectedly.

On this same ridiculously silly day, while getting dressed to run errands, I realized I had missed the opportunity to make an awesome Boob Grinch joke.

And her boobs grew two cup sizes that day!

The silliness is a feeble attempt to counteract the other garbage, like my good friend Night Terrors.  Right now it’s hit and miss which is a million times worse than having them on a regular basis.  I’ve probably said the opposite before (ie: rather have them once and a while vs all the time) but having a normal night’s sleep is so deceptive.  Suddenly:

Apparently, I scream for someone or something to get out. A lot.

Not sleeping is also creeping into my holiday procrastination.  As if  pretending Thanksgiving isn’t this week will somehow magically extend this year.  I’m a bit worn from the complete non-stop of it all.

Fuck you, Granger.

On the other hand, this year has really sucked so maybe it’s best it’s over sooner rather than later.  Fuck that, too:

Again? Like every fucking year.

I guess it’s time to actually sleep or at least pretend to for the next few hours.  Things will be happening in the next few weeks, so I’m sure I’ll have something to say.

…and this will probably be it.
life, miscellaneous

Photo Dump: Pre-Thanksgiving Edition

  1. I made my first scratch made pumpkin pie this week.  It was pretty good, but not FANTASTIC.  The next one will be better and I might even get a chance to take pictures before it’s devoured.  I think that’s pretty telling of the quality.

    This is what the pan would have looked like if I took a picture of it.
  2. Robin’s sweater is done, but she wore the hell out of it and now it’s dirty.  See 1. for quality determination.  What I’m trying to say is that she loved it so much she ate it.
  3. All my football teams lost last week.  WHAT A CROCK OF SHIT.  So much yelling.  So much screaming.  I am disappoint.

    I couldn’t use my FALCONSWIN coupon code. I had to pay regular price for my pizza!
  4. I drive 20 miles to my auto repair shop  because it’s the only place I’ve found that I don’t feel like I’m getting totally ripped off.  I might be, but maybe not as much as other places.  It’s worth the drive and everyone is nice and professional.  I wish my total wasn’t $600 something but I got an ass ton of work done.  Very reasonable, actually.

    You can trust this dog, yo.
  5. My knee hurts so bad and I can not bitch about this enough.  Scumbag knee doesn’t want to bend when it’s bendy time and if I lay there and keep it straight it just wants to be bendy.  And then there’s the occasional out of socket explosion of pain.  My knee is basically a sack of gravel crunching and rubbing itself into oblivion.

    Like this but x 10 and with fire and nails and lightning and axes and murder.
  6. Thanksgiving is next week, what?  I don’t have any freezer space.  I don’t have any plans.  We can’t all be fancy, you know.

    Next Thanksgiving will be at Wing Kingdom.
miscellaneous

STUFF IN ALL CAPS

I JUST THOUGHT I’D GET YOUR ATTENTION BY TYPING IN ALL CAPS.  WHEN DID IT BECOME RUDE TO BE LAZY? DO YOU THINK I’M YELLING AT YOU RIGHT NOW?  GOOD, BECAUSE I’M TOTALLY FUCKING  YELLING AT YOU. I JUST HAD A HUGE NOSEBLEED THAT WOULD PUT ANDREW W.K. TO SHAME. A COKEHEAD NOSEBLEED EXCEPT YOU HAVE TO HAVE MONEY FOR COCAINE.  I SWALLOWED A HUGE BLOOD CLOT AND THEN WANTED TO PUKE.  THIS IS WHY I DON’T TILT MY HEAD BACK BUT I THOUGHT IT WAS ALL GONE.  I GUESS FUCKING NOT.

SO UNRELATED TO THE GROSSNESS THAT JUST HAPPENED, I AM TAKING A BLOG BREAK FOR A MINUTE.  HERE ARE SOME PICTURES FIRST:

MY CLASSROOM HAS A CHALKBOARD LIKE A REAL CLASSROOM WITH A CHALKBOARD!
ROBIN IS TURNING 3 IN SEPTEMBER AND THAT IS A BUNCH OF BULLSHIT.
I SOMETIMES THINK I POST TOO MUCH ABOUT REGULAR SHOW AND ADVENTURE TIME AND THEN REALIZE THE OPPOSITE IS TRUE. NOT ENOUGH!   CLICK THE PICTURE TO GO TO BENKLING.TUMBLR.COM  ALSO, IT’S TUMBLR, NOT TUMBLER, LIKE AN OLD LADY WOULD SPELL IT.
I WANT SOME POTATO CHIPS AND DIP RIGHT NOW. THAT IS UNRELATED TO THE SUICIDE REFERENCE ABOVE.

But for real, I’m busy with the kids’ school right now and Robin is going to be 3 and I need to make all the things.  Also, so much shit.  I’m awfully tired.  I’ll be back soon, though.

 

 

entertainment

Photo Dump; Bonus Feature Edition

They do. They truly do.
My yarn is so sick of me.
Soylent green?  This was serendipitous.
Alfred Hitchcock
Really, Google? I can assure you, I absolutely did not mean that.

BONUS FEATURE:  Bulleted random confession list!

  • I love to eat sweetened condensed milk on white bread.  I haven’t had it in forever,  but it’s delicious and will possibly kill you.
  • I do not want to home school my kids, but I am doing it anyway.
  • I still own a VCR/DVD combo.  Okay, I own two.
  • I will give the dog a bath while I take a shower if the kitchen sink is filled with dirty dishes
  • I’m very superstitious.  Over the years this has made me feel stupid, embarrassed, comforted and afraid.
  • I can’t do pull ups.  I have the weakest, shortest T-Rex arms ever.
I really only love you that much.