Everything has happened, so let’s have a photo dump:
1. Halloween happened and it was awesome.
Moaning Myrtle married Harry Potter? Nah. I asked Robin what her back story was and she said her father murdered her right before she got married. What the fuck, kid.
Her dress is a Cheapos Thrift find for either $5 or $10. I can’t remember now. I believe it’s a size 4, so lots of alterations. I appreciate how the kids seem to be taking turns wanting homemade vs. store bought costumes which makes me very grateful. My wrists are 99% now and I can do things. Without pain, even!
2. Joshua became a Cobra Kai.
Okay, maybe not. His uniform has sleeves, so he can’t be Cobra Kai. Yet. He joined the intermediate black belt training, tested for his second level brown belt (red is next!) and started weapons training.
I’m particularly proud of how dedicated he is. $200 of his own money went to paying for gear (weapons, bag, pads). He is getting $25 a month back from Mom and Dad, but he made the initial investment. He’s more mature and responsible than I am.
3. There was an election of some sort which I deem completely unnecessary for discussion here.
4. Robin started with a new violin teacher. She’s also now in a 1/4 size violin. She also had a birthday and it was all good.
5. Christmas! I honestly don’t have any good pictures of the kids from Christmas because I’m an asshole I guess. But I have the next best thing:
6. We had a blizzard and it was horrifying.
In case I didn’t feel crazy enough, I’ve decided to do ChÜberlist 2017 – The Year of the Slug. It’s already a couple of weeks late so I’m off to a great start.
Coulrophobia: [kool-ruh–foh-bee-uh] n. 1. An abnormal fear of clowns.
Kindergarten, 5 years old: Color and cut out the pieces of the clowns face and glue them onto this other piece of paper to make a happy clown!
I colored and cut it out and then I used too much glue. I cried and cried because I had ruined it. Spoiler: it was not ruined because Elmer’s School Glue dries clear. I was inconsolable. Literally, my kindergarten teacher was holding me and rocking me back and forth to try to get me to calm down. Thank you, Mrs. Garavaglia. You were the best.
They fall into the umbrella category of dolls. I hate porcelain dolls. Some are strikingly beautiful, but there is something sinister to me about dolls. Dolls have been used in ritual magic from the dawn of time and are believed to be able to house the souls of the dead.
The movie Dolls, even with its terrible acting and special effects pretty much ruined me for life. I rented that movie for a sleepover and again, no adult ever thought a thing about it. Also, I rented that VHS movie because I’m old as hell.
It’s not chair scene, but still terrifying. That chair scene kills me every time.
Ronald McDonald. My sister told me that he raped kids.
Jack in the Boxes
Okay, not all of them are scary. Look at this cute thing:
You know who wasn’t scary to me, though? Bozo the Clown. Thanks to WGN Chicago I watched him and his sidekick Cooky and dreamed of throwing the ping pong balls in the numbered buckets.
I would never have been on the show but I still had that stage fright anxiety that I wouldn’t get a ping pong ball even in the first bucket. I did not need to fail spectacularly in an ultra embarrassing way on national television.
Enough about clowns already! Back to other pointless programming.
I follow this great blog and you should, too. Honestly, I do my best *not* to read it too often. I can’t always handle it. This particular blog caught my eye and I got sucked in to reading it.
I wish I had this kind of experience when I was in the hospital. The whole thing felt like a formality, really. “Let’s stay here for a few days so that we can bill her an exorbitant amount of money. Yay!” I think I had one nurse two times, but never the same nurse two days in a row. Then again, I was already in the psych ward, not in the medical ward. I wonder if that’s on purpose? No psychiatric referral and right back into the same situation that got me there in the first place. No counseling referral. Then again, if they concerned themselves with helping and healing, they would be out of so much money.
Life and everything in it are worlds better than back then. I still get these very panicky days where I feel like maybe nothing has changed. Medicine isn’t working. Nothing is different. I am not different. But the difference is that I can have these feelings and they don’t last. They don’t swallow me. I don’t drown in them. I’m conscious that these things *can* happen and I try to be aware of it. I’m by no means perfect nor is anyone or anything around me.
So read this blog so we can divide up all of these feels, because I am absolutely not going to read another one for a while.
I’m seriously considering something. As in, actually taking into consideration. I think I need to go on a social media fast. I need to break free. Hole up. Quit being baited into caring about things that I shouldn’t. Case in point: Ahmed Mohamed and the clusterfuck fiasco that followed. There is plenty out there, Google it and read up if you’re not aware. I’m angry.
I’m angry about this whole thing, top to bottom.
that a school would call police rather than parents
that the first teacher didn’t diffuse the situation or even hold the clock for the school day to help avoid the situation
that a boy who built a clock and maintained that it was nothing more than a clock and never showed it to anyone else but a teacher who could confirm it was a clock was handcuffed “for his own safety and the safety of others” and humiliated
that the media twists things around to inspire/enrage society
the people said it was completely planned for the President’s agenda
that the boy’s dad is a politician from Sudan and maybe it was all planned
that social and public outcry is the only thing that gets noticed, but if you have something that needs social and public outcry you are just an attention whore
I’ve put way too much time, attention and emotion into this and the ‘news’ in general (because let’s face it, a lot of this is not news
Maybe not a full on social media fast. Blogs are considered social media, no? Maybe no Facebook. Should I start with Facebook and work in Twitter and Imgur? I hate/love them all. What if I have a question for a large group of people? What about my home school groups? What about blogs? Comics? TV news?
I think this sounds like I want to put my head in the sand and not see the ills of the world. That’s not completely untrue, but for me, I know how I react. I get angry, I get emotionally involved and frankly, I don’t want to do that. If you believe in things like energy from emotion and whatnot, I don’t need that kind of energy in my life, let alone my home. I feel like it turns me into some kind of zealot or an uneducated naive suburbanite. I simply don’t want the headache of it. I don’t want the online pissing contests. I don’t want the distraction.
I don’t like that these things bleed into my blog, which is supposed to be a repository of refinement. Or is it an archive of atrocity? Whatever it is, it’s not supposed to be this. I need to figure out how to insulate my emotions without suffocating my reasoning. I need to think about how to actually do that.
Okay. Here’s what I’ll do. My plan for the rest of the year:
Facebook – hide everyone except for home school/educational groups. This way I can still communicate with my friends but not have to see the shit they post (good or bad)
Twitter – ignore
Imgur – ignore
I’ll still read blogs and comics and Youtube and Netflix. That’s fair, right? Those things are for school or for an escape or for both. I just hope I can do it, because I really feel like I need this. I worry I’m going to get drawn back into it all because let’s face it, it’s fun and addicting.
First, completely unrelated to my mild annoyance of this post:
Check out these articles here and here. <facebook post>Says a lot. I’ve been pretty unhappy and burned out on this expansion; I honestly only still have my account for the kids to play and for the undying hope that it’s going to get better. Paying $15 a month to log into my garrison and click buttons and log out. Tsk, tsk.</facebook post>
So, back to my original annoyance. I am Asian. Wait, that’s not what annoys me. Jeez, I’m a poor writer. BACK ON TRACK: I am Asian but was raised in a very white, middle American town. I had a fairly Asian home life but almost all of my friends were white (demographics!). I grew up with the super white grunge 90s mentality. I don’t speak anything fluently but English. Old Chinese women that I don’t know have yelled at me for not speaking Chinese. I don’t celebrate Chinese New Year anymore, but I want to, *but* I feel weird even thinking about doing it after so many years of not doing it/never doing it on my own as an adult.
Having said that, the truth is that feeling white doesn’t actually mean that I am white. I have had my share of racism/discrimination. The “what are you, anyway?”, the “go back to your own country”, the “welcome to America”. The “you speak English really good!” (yes, the irony of bad grammar), the “wow, you don’t sound like you have a foreign name!”, the “do your parents own a nail salon or a laundromat?” Now that I have children, I get the “oh do you speak your native language to them at home?” and the “he doesn’t even have chinky eyes!”, Definitely not as bad as many others have it. Still upsetting to me because it’s a reminder of this weird barrier between me and everyone else. And I never think of a witty rebuttal until way after the fact.
It took me a long time to understand why I sympathized with other groups of people that have a history of discrimination. I think it falls under the “if people are shitty to you, they could be shitty to me” mentality. I get my feathers ruffled at the injustices of the world that I’m lucky enough to watch on the news and not be part of. But it’s shitty on all sides, one group to another to another, regardless of who’s on top. How about we *all* stop being shit heads? We could do that, right?
The spark for this post was an article I read today regarding the official city apology to an ethnic group. The title of this post might give it away a bit, but subtlety was never my strong point. The author says “better late than never”.
Better late than never? Ungrateful. Completely ungrateful.
Is being sorry enough? Not if you refuse to fix the problem going forward. Not if you do not acknowledge the wrongs that were committed. A true apology does that-acknowledges the wrongs committed. But here’s a science fact (as of 8/5/2015): you can’t change the past. You seriously super can’t.
Dear groups/people/races/plants/zombies/other: If you have been discriminated in the past, or mistreated, or abused, or looked at sideways and you are acknowledged or apologized to, don’t say “better late than never”.
It’s snarky. It makes you look like an asshole. Being angry doesn’t excuse being an asshole. There’s a difference.
Feel some sort of minimum satisfaction that you/your ancestors/people you know have been acknowledged and the wrongs have been acknowledged. A MINIMUM. Is this perfect? Of course not. If life was perfect, no one would have been wronged in the first place. Thou shalt not stir a foot to seek a foe. Keep working on making things good and right going forward. Educate, the good AND the bad. Destroying an item doesn’t change the past or people’s minds and ideas.
I understand that you don’t get to regulate other people’s feelings. Being angry is one of those great primal emotions that is so hard to regulate. On the other side of that, anger without progress is worthless. Wasted energy.
Aside from this little rant, school has started this week and it hasn’t been that bad. “Not that bad” is pretty much all I could hope for and I’ll post more on that eventually. I’m so ready for summer to be over.
Sometimes I stumble across things that need to be shared with the world, like Artworks of Johnson Tsang. I only had the opportunity to work with clay for a short period of time (a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, no less) but it was amazing. I have no kiln or…well, really any skill but hey, that’s never stopped me before. I should play around with it again. This was the blog post that caught my attention via imgur.
Oh, maybe that’s a bit harsh. But I’m a fucking bitch. Surprise. I haven’t talked about it here, but I broke up with my BFF of 13 years a few weeks before my birthday. It’s painful to my core and it makes me such a bitter asshole. I take great offense to the out of sight, out of mind mentality. I should start a new blog just to discuss all of teh sads.
But instead of getting into all of that, watch this video. Do you remember this show? Make me Laugh, The Gong Show, and Joker’s Wild were some of my favorites growing up. Enjoy!
I signed up for an OkCupid account to stalk someone and now I’m having super fun looking at people from all over and shaking my head. I haven’t seen anyone I know on there YET but I did find this little gem while searching my hometown area:
The following is taken directly from her profile. I fucking swear to god, I didn’t alter this:
I’m really good at looking pretty?
The first things people usually notice about me That I have really big boobs.
The six things I could never do without Sex, sex, sex, sex, sex, and….SEX!
Seriously? Love, honesty, some place warm to live, my family (the ones I like, that is), food…and SEX!
The most private thing I’m willing to admit I can place my whole fist into my mouth. ;)