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Mildly Annoyed Technically Asian Lady

First, completely unrelated to my mild annoyance of this post:

The numbers are not pretty, unlike your face.

Check out these articles here and here.  <facebook post>Says a lot. I’ve been pretty unhappy and burned out on this expansion; I honestly only still have my account for the kids to play and for the undying hope that it’s going to get better. Paying $15 a month to log into my garrison and click buttons and log out. Tsk, tsk.</facebook post>

So, back to my original annoyance.  I am Asian.  Wait, that’s not what annoys me.  Jeez, I’m a poor writer.  BACK ON TRACK:  I am Asian but was raised in a very white, middle American town.  I had a fairly Asian home life but almost all of my friends were white (demographics!).  I grew up with the super white grunge 90s mentality.  I don’t speak anything fluently but English.  Old Chinese women that I don’t know have yelled at me for not speaking Chinese.  I don’t celebrate Chinese New Year anymore, but I want to, *but* I feel weird even thinking about doing it after so many years of not doing it/never doing it on my own as an adult.

My second favorite part!  (Food.  Food is always my favorite part of everything.)

Having said that, the truth is that feeling white doesn’t actually mean that I am white.  I have had my share of racism/discrimination.  The “what are you, anyway?”, the “go back to your own country”, the “welcome to America”.  The “you speak English really good!” (yes, the irony of bad grammar), the “wow, you don’t sound like you have a foreign name!”, the “do your parents own a nail salon or a laundromat?”  Now that I have children, I get the “oh do you speak your native language to them at home?” and the “he doesn’t even have chinky eyes!”,  Definitely not as bad as many others have it.  Still upsetting to me because it’s a reminder of this weird barrier between me and everyone else.   And I never think of a witty rebuttal until way after the fact.

Next time, for sure.

It took me a long time to understand why I sympathized with other groups of people that have a history of discrimination.  I think it falls under the “if people are shitty to you, they could be shitty to me” mentality.  I get my feathers ruffled at the injustices of the world that I’m lucky enough to watch on the news and not be part of.  But it’s shitty on all sides, one group to another to another, regardless of who’s on top.  How about we *all* stop being shit heads?  We could do that, right?

The spark for this post was an article I read today regarding the official city apology to an ethnic group.  The title of this post might give it away a bit, but subtlety was never my strong point.  The author says “better late than never”.

Better late than never?  Ungrateful.  Completely ungrateful.

Is being sorry enough?  Not if you refuse to fix the problem going forward.  Not if you do not acknowledge the wrongs that were committed.  A true apology does that-acknowledges the wrongs committed.  But here’s a science fact (as of 8/5/2015):  you can’t change the past.  You seriously super can’t.

Seriously sound advice.

Dear groups/people/races/plants/zombies/other: If you have been discriminated in the past, or mistreated, or abused, or looked at sideways and you are acknowledged or apologized to, don’t say “better late than never”.

It’s snarky.  It makes you look like an asshole.  Being angry doesn’t excuse being an asshole.  There’s a difference.

It also makes you look like a butt head.

Feel some sort of minimum satisfaction that you/your ancestors/people you know have been acknowledged and the wrongs have been acknowledged.  A MINIMUM.  Is this perfect?  Of course not.  If life was perfect, no one would have been wronged in the first place. Thou shalt not stir a foot to seek a foe.  Keep working on making things good and right going forward.  Educate, the good AND the bad.  Destroying an item doesn’t change the past or people’s minds and ideas.

Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.  For the record, I used to dye my hair burgundy, wear dark lipstick and paint my nails either black or vamp.  LEST WE FORGET.

I understand that you don’t get to regulate other people’s feelings.  Being angry is one of those great primal emotions that is so hard to regulate.  On the other side of that, anger without progress is worthless.  Wasted energy.

*yawn*

Aside from this little rant, school has started this week and it hasn’t been that bad.  “Not that bad” is pretty much all I could hope for and I’ll post more on that eventually.  I’m so ready for summer to be over.

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