NOPE

All the bad things happened last night, so first thing’s first:

I was sitting in my chair in the living room, farting around on the computer when I saw something across the room:

Can you see it? It’s there. Looking right at you.

You can quit now, if you like.

In fact, you probably should just quit looking.  Here is the picture zoomed in:

The shiny eyes are looking at me.

The aftermath of this brown recluse is really the only way it could have ended:

Taken a few seconds before I napalmed the house. ‘Twas an eventful evening.

After this delightful episode, I decided to go to bed.  Actually, I decided to go to bed after I found out that Anthony Kiedis is 50 years old and that depressed me because that means *I’m* old.

I actually would love this picture more if Kiedis had a mullet. I don’t know why, I just think it would make the photo.  Click on the picture to read a bunch of puns.

When I got back from my vacation, my alarm clock decided to go a little bit insane.  It was fine when I went to bed Thursday night, but when I woke up on Friday morning, it died.  I thought the power went out, because I woke up to a blinking 12:02 AM.  So, power went out 2 minutes before I woke up, right?

Only to the alarm clock.

It seemed like every time I looked at the clock over the weekend, it was blinking right around 12:00 AM, give or take a few minutes.  I didn’t think much of it, until last night.

Some people think you should make a wish at 11:11, but I’ve always found this combination eerie and uncomfortable.  I don’t know why, but it weirds me out.

I stumbled into bed around 1 AM and felt more twitchy than usual, so I sat up to drink some water.  I looked at my clock and it said 12:01 AM.  It was not blinking.  Neither I nor the Mr. had set the clock.  I sat stunned for about 10 seconds and watched the clock time change to 12:00 AM before it started blinking again.

MOTHER FUCKER

I am a rational adult.  I know that, rationally, there was probably some sort of short in the wiring.  Like the whozit wasn’t letting the whatzit get electricity.  Or maybe magic or sorcery or something.  I don’t know.  Even though I am a rational grown adult, I have no qualms with admitting that I made the Mr. get out of bed and throw that clock away.  And then yelled at him for throwing it away in the trash can by my side of the bed and not in the bathroom trash can or the fires of Mordor.  I was tense and had bad dreams all night.  Greeaaaaaaaat.

Epilogue:  exterminators came out to re-spray today.  I have lots to post, but I’ve been busy.  And by busy I mean drinking and playing video games.  More posts coming soon.

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2 thoughts on “NOPE

  1. OMG Had a hissy fit when I saw the dead spider! Napalm was too good for that brute! Bring out the weapons of Mass Destruction!

    • I have no Spider Whisperer to keep out bad spiders and encourage Spider-bros, so this was the only possible outcome. That fucker was FAST. These are the things that ruin my life forever.

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