Dying

First, ChÜberlist 2013 will be posted tomorrow, because I’ve been actually doing stuff.

Secondly, I am suddenly and overwhelmingly missing my Dad. His birthday is this month. He comes and tells me things in my dreams. Like “don’t go to the post office” on the day I was planning to go to the post office or “look at how your mom is struggling”.  So thanks, a lot, ghost dad.

My Dad loved Bill Cosby.

I will go so far as to say that my grief for my father is the most normal thing I’ve done ever.  But it’s hard.  It’s been months.  FUCKING MONTHS.  It’s hard on days like to day that should be normal  But I’ve been crying all day.  My eyes are raw and burnt from wiping my tears away.  I have had tons of good things happen today (got my roof fixed, got a ton of achievements, didn’t die during Sha of Anger, didn’t use my AK, etc.).  But it only takes one thing and I’m a snotty, weepy mess.  Like the following song, for instance.  I know it’s probably about breaking up with a girl, but put it in a different context and John Ondrasik can go fuck himself in his falsetto voice face.

(Sorry John.  I really like you a lot.  Except for that weird political themed album wtf?  We should discuss that.)

Anyway, this has been my earworm all day.  Enjoy.

I’m dying, dying to wake up without you, without you in my head again 
I’m dying, dying to forget about you, that you ever lived 
There’s a shade come over this heart that’s coping with laying down to rest 
I’m dying to live without you again 

I’m dying, dying to find a distraction, get you away from me 
I’m dying, dying to reach a conclusion, so that the world can see 
It’s the same old story of love and glory that broke before it bent 
I’m dying to live without you again 

The first time you left I said goodbye 
Now there’s not a prayer that can survive 

Dying, dying to die just to come back so we can meet again 
Dying, dying to say what I always should have said 
It’s a strange emotion this but there’s still hope in this 
As long as there’s a breath… 
I’m dying and I can’t live without you again 

It’s a strange emotion this but there’s still hope in this 
As long as there’s a breath

I’m dying and I can’t live without you 
I’m dying and I can’t live without you again

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