Smelling a Mystery

I have a very good sense of smell.  This is not disputed by anyone.  For example, I went down into the basement yesterday to look for a can of paint and could smell my husband’s deodorant.  He was in the basement the day before.  This ability has creeped me out for my whole life–I know when people have been in my house.  It’s just strange, but helpful.

Well, that’s not totally true.  There are times when it’s not helpful, but annoying.  Like when I swore up and down that I could smell poop.  I never found any poop, but I could sure as fuck smell it.  My friend coined the term “phantom dooker” and I have a fear that one day I’m going to find a petrified turd in my house.

HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA! Sorry, Idaho.

As I type this, I am sniffing every piece of clothing out of this laundry basket.  My clothes smell like cooking oil.  And it’s GROSS.  I was sitting in bed last night, making my husband smell me because my clean pajamas smelled BAD.  I thought it was an isolated incident.   Maybe a stray dishtowel got into my regular laundry?  But today, while doing laundry, OOF, the smell.  On my clothes, my bed sheets, socks, underwear.   But the kitchen towels going into the dryer didn’t smell at all.  They just smelled clean.  Double you tee eff?

The problem, I discovered, is that I am a dirty hippie.

CULPRIT

Grapeseed oil is the culprit.  I have dry skin and have been using grapeseed oil to keep from dehydrating to death.  It works great!  I can’t advocate it enough–natural, non-irritating and unless I add essential oil to it, it doesn’t have any smell.

Until you wash it.  Then it smells like cooking oil on your clothes.

I’m not drenching myself in oil, perverts.  But like anything on your skin, it’s going to rub off on your clothes or anything your body touches (bed sheets).  So what the fuck now?  I am re-washing my clothes with a touch of bleach in the water; I like the clean smell of bleach, so hopefully this will work.   At least this mystery smell has been solved; now I just need to figure out how to fix it.

 

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