Mildly Annoyed Technically Asian Lady

First, completely unrelated to my mild annoyance of this post:

The numbers are not pretty, unlike your face.

Check out these articles here and here.  <facebook post>Says a lot. I’ve been pretty unhappy and burned out on this expansion; I honestly only still have my account for the kids to play and for the undying hope that it’s going to get better. Paying $15 a month to log into my garrison and click buttons and log out. Tsk, tsk.</facebook post>

So, back to my original annoyance.  I am Asian.  Wait, that’s not what annoys me.  Jeez, I’m a poor writer.  BACK ON TRACK:  I am Asian but was raised in a very white, middle American town.  I had a fairly Asian home life but almost all of my friends were white (demographics!).  I grew up with the super white grunge 90s mentality.  I don’t speak anything fluently but English.  Old Chinese women that I don’t know have yelled at me for not speaking Chinese.  I don’t celebrate Chinese New Year anymore, but I want to, *but* I feel weird even thinking about doing it after so many years of not doing it/never doing it on my own as an adult.

My second favorite part!  (Food.  Food is always my favorite part of everything.)

Having said that, the truth is that feeling white doesn’t actually mean that I am white.  I have had my share of racism/discrimination.  The “what are you, anyway?”, the “go back to your own country”, the “welcome to America”.  The “you speak English really good!” (yes, the irony of bad grammar), the “wow, you don’t sound like you have a foreign name!”, the “do your parents own a nail salon or a laundromat?”  Now that I have children, I get the “oh do you speak your native language to them at home?” and the “he doesn’t even have chinky eyes!”,  Definitely not as bad as many others have it.  Still upsetting to me because it’s a reminder of this weird barrier between me and everyone else.   And I never think of a witty rebuttal until way after the fact.

Next time, for sure.

It took me a long time to understand why I sympathized with other groups of people that have a history of discrimination.  I think it falls under the “if people are shitty to you, they could be shitty to me” mentality.  I get my feathers ruffled at the injustices of the world that I’m lucky enough to watch on the news and not be part of.  But it’s shitty on all sides, one group to another to another, regardless of who’s on top.  How about we *all* stop being shit heads?  We could do that, right?

The spark for this post was an article I read today regarding the official city apology to an ethnic group.  The title of this post might give it away a bit, but subtlety was never my strong point.  The author says “better late than never”.

Better late than never?  Ungrateful.  Completely ungrateful.

Is being sorry enough?  Not if you refuse to fix the problem going forward.  Not if you do not acknowledge the wrongs that were committed.  A true apology does that-acknowledges the wrongs committed.  But here’s a science fact (as of 8/5/2015):  you can’t change the past.  You seriously super can’t.

Seriously sound advice.

Dear groups/people/races/plants/zombies/other: If you have been discriminated in the past, or mistreated, or abused, or looked at sideways and you are acknowledged or apologized to, don’t say “better late than never”.

It’s snarky.  It makes you look like an asshole.  Being angry doesn’t excuse being an asshole.  There’s a difference.

It also makes you look like a butt head.

Feel some sort of minimum satisfaction that you/your ancestors/people you know have been acknowledged and the wrongs have been acknowledged.  A MINIMUM.  Is this perfect?  Of course not.  If life was perfect, no one would have been wronged in the first place. Thou shalt not stir a foot to seek a foe.  Keep working on making things good and right going forward.  Educate, the good AND the bad.  Destroying an item doesn’t change the past or people’s minds and ideas.

Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.  For the record, I used to dye my hair burgundy, wear dark lipstick and paint my nails either black or vamp.  LEST WE FORGET.

I understand that you don’t get to regulate other people’s feelings.  Being angry is one of those great primal emotions that is so hard to regulate.  On the other side of that, anger without progress is worthless.  Wasted energy.

*yawn*

Aside from this little rant, school has started this week and it hasn’t been that bad.  “Not that bad” is pretty much all I could hope for and I’ll post more on that eventually.  I’m so ready for summer to be over.

Update

Well…okay, then.

Okay, so maybe I was being stupid.  Maybe?  Yeah, probably.  I know new parents get mush brain, so I should not have worried about it so much.  I’m relieved.  Dumb, but relieved.

On the Good Parenting front, the kids are watching Bleach.  AND we’re watching it with subtitles!

Serious. Most of the time.

I’M SO CRAZY FANGIRL EXCITED!  Josh is keeping up well; Robin needs help because she can’t read as fast as he can.  It’s still fun to watch.

ACCURATE

Other than that, nothing much has been going on.  We’re cleaning bedrooms.  I’m finishing a quilt which I should be posting more about.  Playing a ridiculous amount of Civilization IV and Hearthstone and very little Warcraft.  It’s been hot as balls and I hate everything in the outside world.  On a positive note, I washed a whole bottle of nail polish in the washing machine and it didn’t break or open or anything.  I also cleaned the fish tank today, so I’m on a roll.

Isn’t it, though?

The Day-That-Must-Not-Be-Named

Fathers and mothers alike shield their children from it.
It looms, growing ever larger by the hour. Minute. Second.
Panicked whispers.
Just be normal. Everyone, just be normal. Regular day, right? Right?
NO NO NO don’t say that!
Dear God, you fool! You’ll doom us all!

The children! Won’t somebody please think of the CHILDREN!

La, la, la, anyway…so much to discuss!  Our house is a zoo lately.  Summertime boredom/lazies.  I’m taking off the remainder of July to prep for the upcoming school year.  My plan was to start on the first Monday in August, but that seems…lofty.  So my plan is to start some time in August-ish.  We still are doing daily journal, TKD, violin, and summer reading challenges.  I’m tired and need a break and the kids as well.  We’ve also had some distractions!  The good kind!

The itty of the bittys.

Meet Magnus.

Magnus Finnegan Chesterfield  12 weeks new.  We adopted him from the Society of Humane Friends at PetCo adoption weekend.  SO. MANY. KITTENS.  Normally there is a $100 adoption fee but there were so many kittens they cut the price to $50.  I used to think this was high but holy cow, Magnus’ mom was gone (died? ran off?) so he and his siblings were bottle fed until weaned.  Bottle feeding a kitten is a time consuming adorable process.  For that adoption fee, he’s also neutered and vetted.  No worms, no fleas, no serious issues.  Well, he’s got the most AMAZINGLY HORRIBLE DIARRHEA AND HE’S ON $48 VET FOOD but yeah, they really do a ton of work with these animals.

I can haz limited tolerance.

Jake is still my baby.  My jealous baby.  My hairy baby.

He is awfully hairy.

Poor Jake.  He’s being really nice but he gets mad when Magnus tries to go to the bathroom with me (that’s Jake’s job).  Jake has taken to calling for me and demanding hugs and cuddles.  He doesn’t sleep on my head anymore, though.  He sleeps at the foot of the bed near Magnus.  Like he’s trying to set an example or something.

Magnus is full of energy.  Annoying energy.  Fireplace?  I WANNA GET IN THAT!  Waterbowl?  I WANNA TIP THAT OVER!  Small gap in the cabinetry below the double ovens?  I WANT TO GET LOST IN THERE AND FREAK YOU ALL OUT!  Still worth it.  He’s also super cuddly and adorable.

**fear me**

But wait!  There’s more!

The snails died and I have no idea why or how but gross.  I think I’m done with snails for quite a while.  I needed to get something to eat the choking algae in my tank so I thought I’d get a plecostomus and then hope he didn’t grow too fast.  Yes, that was my plan.  Yes, I know plecos get huge.  They don’t get huge overnight or anything and decided that I would deal with that later.  So, I went down to PetSmart (shop smart, shop PetSmart?) and waited and waited for help in the fish area and nothing happened.  One of those feeder goldfish jumped out of the tank and flopped around until it died, but other than that, complete silence.  So I left because it was hot and the kids and I were all so whiny.  On the way home, I impulsively stopped at a place called Nemo’s Aquarium.  It’s literally a little tiny place in a big shopping center and I’ve seen it a million times.  I didn’t know what to expect and I wasn’t expecting anything really but HOLY COW.  It was full of amazing coral and salt water fish.  Beautiful and amazing.  There was a small section of freshwater fish and the clerk helped me find something amazing:

His name is Flapjack.

He’s a butterfly loach.  He’ll get about 3″ max so he won’t be some kind of monster beast.  I was going to name him Butters (not South Park Butters, Polka Never Dies Butters) but Flapjack is more appropriate.  HE’S THE COOLEST OMG I LOVE HIM!

I think he’s the neatest.

So there’s the news.  I have more to discuss but I’ve been overly obsessed with Civ IV because I’m old and boring.

The oldest quilt in the world

This should not have taken so long to make.

I finally found a work in progress picture of the quilt in question and it’s from April of 2014.  Over a year ago.  Frankly, I thought it would be older than that.  For a normal person, this would have been a weekend project (or faster, probably).  It’s not complicated.  It’s not elaborate.  Log cabins are pretty rudimentary.  And I really, really thought I’d do this one in a timely manner.

I am disappoint.

Pretty much the exact same picture, but quilted and crooked. My children are not the same height, obviously.

Here is the end result, finished in June 2015.  I’m going to guess that this took about 2 years start to finish which is completely awful.  It just sat there and sat there and sat there.  The thing is, I really like how this turned out and I hate that I didn’t finish it in a timely manner.  I am absolutely over thinking it and making something out of nothing, but it’s what I do.

Hold it at the same height? It’s so crazy it just might work!

Yes, those are biker cats on a background of flame, why do you ask?

Truthfully and embarrassingly enough, the motivation to finish the quilt was not the joy of giving something hand made to a friend, but the guilt of having it sit there for literally YEARS.  I also wanted to work on a new project and what kind of asshole would I be if I started a project for myself when I hadn’t even finished a BABY blanket?  I’m the worst.  Ever.  In the history of things, I will be remembered as a monster.

LITERALLY

One positive outcome of this whole fiasco is that it helped me remember why I love doing things like this.  I get to make something with my hands that no one else will ever make.  Each hand made item is unique, full of tiny missteps and mistakes, and ultimately a piece of me.  *cue inspirational music*

Up close detail of binding, partially stitched while waiting at Tae Kwon Do.

Now that I’ve finally overcome the hurdle of the baby blanket, I have started a new project which I have been completely awful at documenting.  I will update later, but here is one picture that was fun and satisfying to take:

pins pins pins pins pins pins pins pins pins pins pins pins pins pins pins pins pins pins pins pins pins pins pins

In the mean time, I will work on not being an idiot and hopefully contact my friend before the weekend is over.  Like a rational adult.

EDITED TO ADD:  Wow, those pictures of the finished quilt are totally washed out.  I’m not going to correct them or anything, just use your imagination to see brighter, more saturated colors or possibly of a better photographer.

Time to play….

Wheel!

of!

Anxiety!

Probably? DEFINITELY.

So…I’ve been working on a gift for my friend’s unborn child for a while.  And, in true fashion, I started to slack off and let my depression get the better of me.  When I’m depressed I withdraw quite a bit and my hobbies go straight to shit.  This guy has been my friend for a long time though we’ve never met face to face.  We were IRC friends and I met him when he was just a wee lad.  Or teenager, whatever.

Now he’s a full grown adult with a job and a family and I was so excited to make this gift for him and his new baby girl.  Then I selfishly lost my mind, gave up everything I used to love, and took a very expensive and uncomfortable vacation in the loony bin.

Selfish. I meant selfish.

Anyway, I finished the quilt!  I didn’t do a horrible job!  I mean, I messed up here and there, but it’s me we’re talking about.  I made it, I washed it, and I sent it out Priority Mail!  I sent it a few months past her first birthday so I guess it wasn’t there for her birth but it is decent sized.  It should be good through her toddler years and is definitely still usable and she’s not in college yet or anything so it’s still good, right?  Right?!

It’s been over a week since I sent it.  No response.

UGH

So, instead of being a level-headed rational adult and asking if he received it, I’m going to assume that he, his girlfriend, and his baby all hate me.  And they’re never talking to me again.  And they hated the quilt.  And they think I’m fat.

Okay, maybe not fat. But they totally HATE ME.

Did they move?  Did someone steal it?  Did the shady postman twirl his evil mustache while he gleefully threw the package out of the truck window?  All of these are perfectly valid and reasonable assumptions, but I’m going to go with the obvious conclusion that nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I think I’ll eat a worm.